Beautifully colored

Was at xp house earlier on, had fun chatting with her mum...
Suddenly she mentioned about something relates to you...

My heart sank and I forcefully smile cause I have to... (:
Keep telling and convincing myself that things will never gonna go back to the past.
However I'm still so persistent, my heart just way too persistent about you now...
是爱情说谎..
它带你来说渴望的有可能有希望

Missing you still

Love

Exhausted... Miss those days you'll wait for me till I reach your place. Showered and head to bed together...
Candy! It's over, convinced... (:
I miss you still, 67 days

Days without you kills

65th days without you,
trying so hard to adapt to life without you.

Back to square one when I talks to have heart to heart talks with people.
My mask torn off and missing you becomes stronger than before, as much as I would want to let go. I realized I couldn't cause you are way too important.
On Saturday was really glad that we actually talked normally, I'm trying cause you wants me to.
I'll be happy because you will wants to see me to be happy.
I'll be smiling because I once have you by my side.
Trying so hard to live without you, never thought that I'll be so persistent about you.
I miss you still...

Loves

Yearning for you

I just need you back in my life,
am I asking way too much?
Or probably I just need to get into relationship, a relationship that makes me have the feeling i used to have with you around...

I miss you still...

Memories

From beautifully starts on 17102009...
Tragically ended on 20022011...
I do not have a choice, is the only option you left for me

Tormenting pain

Missing you is a daily routine

I miss you
was wondering if things can be so perfect like we used to?

Used to be "WE", now it becomes me without you..
How ironic...
I lose you, realized its too late. All over.

我很怕黑

For you, 20th.

离人节

眼泪往心里留, 因为对你来说今天并没有任何意义...
This morning opened up the drawer with everything you bought...
Tangling monkey, flowers, grey little bear, my melody, figurines sets, photoframes, and rings...
My heart froze, 我的泪就流下来...
Realized, 放不下没你那么勇敢当一切早结束变成回亿...

Unspoken thoughts...

A lazy day

Sunday, marked 17th.

Not important yet heartbreaking.

Anyway went out awhile to lunch and passed hard disk back to dewei...

Mixed feeling, tearing heart, shattered hopes

I'll change, wouldn't talk to you online

wouldn't hope that will receive your texts.

wouldn't hope that you will remember those dates.

wouldn't hope that you will be back.

Then i wouldn't have disappointments and tears.

17th

Wonder if he still remembers?

Its 17th today.

Wonder if he is feeling the way I feel now.

I miss you, 3 days later I gonna go through the day...

20th, the day he chose the route of he himself to walk, without me.

I bite myself to stop the pain in my heart.

Self-inflicted pain, my new love

daily routine

Everyday i'm updating here.
Today i cried in clinic due to some work stuffs, guessed lately i cant really control my emotions. Not knowing why, useless woman.

Anyway got a trigger splint from OT side instructed by Jac to self-remind myself that my finger need to rest and avoid certain actions...
now its pain probably i really did overuse it..
Aiya everything went wrong when im at the lowest point of my life.
Dumb and retard.
Knock off officially at 8pn today, thanks to those dramatic FON
yes Full Of Nonsense.
Didn't sleep for 1 night yesterday, due to some issue.
Personal issue probably my heart and mind doesn't want to rest, worried and shattered.
Was waiting for reply the whole night.
How silly...
When I jollywell know that he wouldn't reply but couldn't help that i'm worried the whole night.
Shhhhhhhhhhh!~

Met up with XP for dinner @ yishun after work today.
chatted and walked back to her place and DL came to pick me up.
zzz
Now im home gonna do chores with my finger splint on!
hehehe!

loves,
i miss u

Useless

Every now and then, I kept telling myself that I got to move on.
Since he already did, why am I still the only one standing there and hope that he turn back and look at me?
He wouldn't...
Cause it's all over.

Knocked off from work, felt lethargic and real upset again...
I'm feeling it more and more even at work.
I'm no longer myself now...
I so afraid that I might not be able to control my emotions as days passes by.
My right middle finger still hurts, felt rather useless.
Can't even use stapler for now, no strength for my right hand at all..
Dependent more on my left hand which is so useless too.
I guessed when a person is right at the pit, everything goes wrong even physically...

Kept telling myself that it's great to be alone, after the crowd disperse I broke down.
I laugh and jokes around to hide away from those pain.
Pain till I couldn't feel anymore thing.
It hurts so much still...
You meant a lot...

In a circle

After so much, I realized I deceive myself that I'd long forgotten about it.
Long that I'd let go.
But I'm wrong

I cried again, felt like a silly girl.
Never know how much you meant, you never know.
Cause I couldn't imagine that life without you, I told you once.
I don't dare to ask for anything, as long as you are happy with your life.
I'll walk away from you

Was pretty glad that you actually starts a conversation with me when im online, but our conversation didn't last... You didn't reply less than 10 sentences.
I didn't ask a lot, probably not anymore.
Teared again, not because I'm weak. Just that the thought of you already gone, we are totally over. It hurts so much...

Probably I'll be going on a short getaway, all by myself.
Bali...

林俊傑 記得 MV

For you, 谁还记得是谁先说永远的爱我

the urge

Been trying to stop myself from doing a lot of things.

Now, i'm trying to stop myself from talking to him.

Yes, especially weekends.

I do not know what to do, basically I'm staring at the computer.

Hoping that he will initiate the conversation.

I'm a fool, what the hell am I thinking.

Tarded.

Stfu candy :\

Tormenting

Today afternoon I wanted to nap since there's nothing to do.

After watching the MV of 散场的拥抱.

Everything somehow came back into my mind.

Lying on the bed, I felt that memories flashes back...

Used to have you sleeping next to me, snatching the bolster and space for cuddles.

Now I'm all alone occupying the bed.

My tears rolled down, realized everything is over.

You all long gone before I could hold you tight...

Felt rather empty and sunken down in my heart...

Cried and doze off...

Then I head down for dinner.

Picking myself up and put my hopes on someone that values me more.

The beautiful memories are like handcuffs, the more you struggle with it the more its harder to get out of it. Thus it causes more pain and self inflicted torments for the heart...

I'm trying, to love someone else to forget those that not supposed.

Not substitute but someone that values me more

New marks

Today is Hooitiang last day in clinic!

I'm so gonna miss her.

Anyway flashbacks again, I almost lose control!

Oh ya, I had a little lump on my right middle finger joint.

Hope it doesn't get worst in couple of weeks!

Met up with Dewei for dinner at ENAQ for prata!

Lose control when talking about past relationship.

It's all over!

Tsk! Tried to use Dewei phone but I really do not know how to use!

ROARS

Okay Im so tired but I can't sleep!

Good news

Know what? Though I didn't attend roll call meeting today.

Received a news, not pretty sure if i'm overwhelm about it or a little upset with the decision made.

With effect on 1st of May, I'll be assisting Dr Ganesan the new HOD for Orthopedic .

Means I got to leave my reghand clinic...

Felt a little confuse though, I gonna miss so much fun in the hand clinic instead.

I only told Dr Yeo not the rest yet, I'm not sure if I'm really happy or what?

Somehow I felt a little upset though!

Gonna tell Dr Sia tomorrow about the changes.

Been in a daze the whole of today, felt so much like an idiot though.

Hoping that time passes faster however when the day is ending, I hopes that time could probably just stop for awhile.

I want to eat chocolates, ice creams, muffins and candies.

I need to inject happy pills on myself.

zzz

I do not know why, emotions overflows.

:|

Till then...

New life begins

I'm managing 2 blogs though.
Probably I'm gonna start to blog more inner self thing over here.
More rantings instead of the public blogs.

I don't wanna be a fool that deceive myself any further (: